{"id":103,"date":"2020-10-30T17:07:19","date_gmt":"2020-10-30T15:07:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/?p=103"},"modified":"2020-10-30T17:07:55","modified_gmt":"2020-10-30T15:07:55","slug":"enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/?p=103","title":{"rendered":"Enough!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s been awhile, and, truth be told, I have not been in the best of places –spiritually, mentally or physically — over the last few months. Despite all my conscious efforts and proclamations of faith, I found myself ‘coping’, rather than flourishing. I’m not entirely sure what to attribute my sinking depression to, but in a round about way it could be a product of Covid: the uncertainty of the economic situation, the self-imposed isolation from friends and family, the constant friction with those close to you, the drudgery of computer-based work, the sameness of every day life, the lack of stimulation, and the list goes on. Add to this a crippling hormonal imbalance that turns me into a bi-polar schizophrenic that swings from the chandeliers while simultaneously wailing like an elderly widow, a home intrusion and theft, \u2026 and the last straws are stacked neatly on the camel’s back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the midst of all this gnashing of teeth, self-loathing, angst, self-medicating, yo-yo dieting, and a hundred other less wholesome coping mechanisms, we decided to sell our house and move. No fun for a man with a debilitating fear of change. The result was that for the first time in my whole life, I found myself in a situation where I simply could not hold myself together and despite knowing, really knowing, the truth about my salvation through Jesus Christ, I reverted to fear, lovelessness, and self-abuse, while abandoning all semblances of control and discipline. I recall describing this state to my wife as feeling like a wild soulless animal surviving solely to fulfill its basest needs. No hope, no will, no desire, no passion — just a rabid wolf roaming a desolate wilderness. The worst of it is, I could not fully expose the state I was in for fear of disappointing and alienating my family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At my lowest point, I opened the YouVersion bible app on my phone and the verse of the day was 2 Timothy 1:7. So, I stood up an proclaimed it to every corner of my being: I DO NOT HAVE A SPIRIT OF FEAR! I HAVE A SPIRIT OF LOVE AND SELF-CONTROL! I sat down, opened my faithful old copy of my Utmost for His Highest<\/em>, and read a quoted extract from Matthew 11:28, “… come to me all who labour and are heavy laden …”. So, I gave up. I gave up control of my life. I gave up my fears. I gave up my sin. I gave up my coping mechanisms. And, laid all these burdens at his feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today it feels like 50 tons of muck has dropped out of my soul…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Till next time, may peace be upon you and your house. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7) It’s been awhile, and, truth be told, I have not been inRead More Enough!<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=103"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions\/105"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crosstattoo.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}